Time-Life Music Collections Of the Future
We were watching one of those Saturday evening Time-Life audio collections on TV the other day (yes, I admit we do watch them sometimes) when they started playing tunes from lesser known bands like Mott The Hoople and Nazareth. Though I used to really like those groups, I never figured that the music curators would ever consider them 'legendary'. But they did, and that's fine with me.
So as the years keep rolling forward, I guess we had better be ready for other collections not seen before. No more STARS OF MOTOWN or ROCK LOVE BALLADS. Nope. Brace yourself for the inevitable Time-Life GOLDEN GRUNGE COLLECTION. I can almost hear the hosts now:
Eddie Vedder: "Ya'know, Courtney, thinking back on those days of flannel shirts, combat boots, holey jeans and hair that hasn't seen a comb in six months really makes me smile."
Courtney Love: "Yes, Eddie, memories we'll always cherish. The bands and the icons we'll never forget. The Breeders, Garbage, Alice In Chains, The Melvins..."
Eddie Vedder: "And those incredible musicians playing entire guitar chords..."
Don't get me wrong; I loved 90s music, and in particular, many of those grunge and alt bands. I still do. But I have a feeling that none of the artists in those '90s groups would ever want to hear the words 'Classic' and 'Alternative' in the same sentence. It would seem to completely miss the point of that whole era. Even so, chances are that we'll be watching some Saturday night when that collection actually airs, and heck, I might even buy it. All 124 CDs. Or the USB stick, micro-SD card, or whatever format they're using by then, assuming they don't just stream it.
Sometime around the year 2045 comes the real shocker:
(Background music: chug chug jugga krunk flaaarrnnngggg, dweedlydweedly chug chug jugga krunk...)
"It's time to roll back the clock to the days of drop tuned, sweep picked, palm muted, 8 string mayhem! Guitars that looked like medieval battle axes and leftover Halloween props. And those unforgettable yet unintelligible Death Growl vocals. It's GOTH-METAL GOLD! And now, here's your hosts, Lars 'GutGrinder' Elfwagen and our very own Wink Martindale!"
GutGrinder: "Gwaahhhrr mwarrrh gworfar merf wormwoohr trrrongar. GWERMERMUNK!"
Wink Martindale: "That's right, G.G., great times and fond memories ..."